Out of Eight
by Madhumalati
Summary: Gojyo and Hakkai discuss Hakkai's name. It is conclusively proved that a: Gojyo is a corrupting influence, b: Hakkai is not virtuous and c: Sanzo is most definitely not amused by the whole thing. Another take on eight precepts. Implied 85. Obviously.


_**Out of Eight**_

They sat facing each other, a scrap of paper written in Hakkai's hand lying between them. The healer's fingers drummed absently on the rock the paper was on; the other hand held a pen, poised neatly over the paper.

Gojyo leered. 'Well, we can definitely cross out celibacy.'

Hakkai nodded and drew a neat, thin black line through his flowing script. 'I have to agree. You've certainly taken care of that.'

'And it would be rather hypocritical of you to say that you don't harm living things.'

'Um.'

'Twenty-seven last week with just one blast, 'Kai.' A long red eyebrow quirked. 'I rest my case.'

'All right,' Hakkai said and crossed another line out.

'Stealing things. Hmmm.'

'Well, I can most definitely say that I have nev–'

'Oh, really? So why was baldy looking for his newspapers last night while you were curled up with the crossword in our room? Oh, and by the way, I think that takes care of lying as well.'

Two black lines.

'So that's four,' Gojyo said contemplatively. 'Let's see. Improper speech.'

'I don't think you can accuse me of that,' Hakkai said indignantly.

Gojyo pondered that for a while. 'Technically,' he admitted. 'But if you look at the intent rather than the words…hey. You gave Goku the Talk last week. That counts, right?'

'Technicality,' Hakkai countered. 'Sanzo wouldn't do it and he told me that if you did he'd shoot all three of us on principle.'

'Not that your giving him the talk changed that any,' Gojyo noted. 'I mean, he still did go ask Sanzo to…'

Hakkai blushed. 'Ahem.' Another black line.

'What's left?'

'Drinking and drugs, singing and dancing and high chairs.'

'Well, you drink.'

'I don't get drunk.'

'No, you just get spectacularly pissy.'

'It still doesn't count.'

'It's heedlessness that's the thing, not the form the effect takes.'

Dimly, Hakkai realised that if Gojyo was arguing like this he must have had much more of an effect on him than he'd believed. 'I am not heedless.'

'Drinking, hello!' Gojyo grabbed the pen from Hakkai and crossed it out.

Green eyes and red locked gazes angrily across the rock, which quailed.

'It should be interesting,' Hakkai remarked in his most placid voice, which was also his most dangerous one, because it implied that he'd already made plans and was merely waiting for the inevitable triumph, 'to be you tomorrow morning, Gojyo, were I to truly become drunk.'

'_Have_ you ever got really shit-faced?'

'Not to my knowledge.'

Gojyo produced a stack of pictures. 'So when you paralysed those youkai and hung them from apple trees two months ago you were in your right mind, yeah?' Clearly, Hakkai realised, he'd been prepared for this supposedly spontaneous battle of wits.

'The trees were prettier for it,' Hakkai countered weakly, but didn't protest further.

It wasn't his fault. That had been some real alcohol. And it was blue. It was only curiosity that had prompted him to try it, anyway. Gojyo simply couldn't understand the academic mindset.

'And entertainment,' Gojyo insisted.

'Entertainment?'

'Me and Goku and Sanzo.'

'Sanzo, Goku and I,' Hakkai corrected automatically, his shoulders slumping in defeat as he took the pen back and sealed his fa–

Wait. A. Minute.

'There's one left,' he announced, the cheer coming back into his voice.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twelve minutes later, the other two members of the Sanzo-ikkou were roused rudely by the slamming of one of Hakuryuu's doors.

'No, I still say it's an inch higher,' Gojyo insisted.

'Just because Sanzo's a little heavier…'

'Yeah, keep telling yourself that, 'Kai, anything that helps…give me that tape, would ya? And don't lean on the seat, that's cheating!'

Bang. Bang. Bang.

And no, those weren't Hakuryuu's doors.

'What the hell do you two think you're doing?' Sanzo demanded irascibly, as always focusing his ire on Gojyo – not that he ever truly believed in Hakkai's innocence, but because that was safer for all concerned.

To himself and in private, Sanzo could admit that Hakkai was scary.

'Measuring Hakkai's virtue,' Gojyo said with a grin.

''Ch. Like he ever had any,' Sanzo grumbled and lay back down to sleep. 'And you are not helping with what's left,' he added.

He resolutely closed his eyes, pretending not to hear the snickering, giggling, odd sounds and other indications of general childishness.

'Hey, 'Kai,' Gojyo said finally, too clearly for even Sanzo to ignore. 'Wanna go see whether we can break a couple of those precepts again?'

'Of course, Gojyo.'

Shuffling sounds.

'I had better not……hear anything,' Sanzo snarled.

'Hear what, Sanzo?' Hakkai asked innocently.

'Snrk,' Gojyo contributed. 'Snrk, snrk, snrk.' And if he didn't stop that idiotic choked laughing Sanzo was going to shave all his hair off.

Sanzo rolled over and slammed his pillow around his ears.

Idiots.

A/N: lamest ending ever. I know that these are the eight precepts behind Hakkai's name, but well, yeah, forgot the order (sheepish) um.


End file.
